65 | Money Mindset as Gaslighting

Ever wonder why all those money affirmations aren't actually working? In this episode, Lauren dives into why mindset work alone can actually become a form of self-gaslighting when it comes to your money relationship. Discover the missing piece between manifestation and real financial transformation.

In this episode…

💡Why manifestation without action becomes a form of self-gaslighting

🙏🏼 The power of pairing mindset work with practical money management

💜 How to build an authentic relationship with money based on trust

💰 The "practice makes proof" philosophy that creates real financial change

🌉 Ways to bridge the gap between energetic abundance and material reality

This episode is for spiritual entrepreneurs, manifestation enthusiasts, and anyone who's tried mindset work but hasn't seen the financial results they desire. Learn how to create real alignment between your money beliefs and behaviors so your affirmations can finally take root and create lasting transformation.

🎙️ Brought to you by Lauren Poppins Raye

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Connect with Lauren on Instagram: @laurenpoppinsraye

Transcript

0:58

You speak in abundance, you journal your goals, but deep down you're doubting it lives in your bones. I trust myself with money you whisper on loop while ghosting your numbers and dodging the truth. Money flows easily. Sure, that's the claim, but there's nothing for sale and no link to your name. That's not manifesting, it's bypass in glitter. Slapping sparkle on shame. Hoping mindset will fix her, but belief needs a backbone. Words need a frame and trust, that's a pattern, not just a name. This isn't about ditching the woo or the spells, it's making them real where embodiment dwells. So let's stop the self gaslight. Let's do this with grace. Let's build you a money flow grounded in space. Today we're talking about the lies we tell ourselves in the name of healing and mindset, and particularly when it comes to our money and how not only ineffective that is when not also paired with actual practical tending of your money in 3D, but also how it's actually quite sabotaging to the cause of your abundance. Money mindset became such a buzz term, and I see so many more people teach and train people on how to mindset their way into wealth and abundance, but don't also back it up with any kind of actual practical tools or systems to train you to actually be better at money. So it's almost like it was positioned as a shortcut, but in reality, the shortcut doesn't lead you anywhere. Or if it does, it leads you to actually gaslighting yourself because your nervous system knows better if you are trying to tell yourself things on repeat as mantras, about what you hope or wish your relationship with money to be, but your nervous system and your unconscious and your mind know that it's bullshit. It's not going to land. It can't. Those beliefs, those mantras, those affirmations will just be rejected. Now, don't get me wrong, mindset work is super powerful when paired with making actual shift and change and growth within yourself and in your reality. Actually showing up different and doubling down on supporting the rewiring of your mind and belief system. To match the new reality that you're creating, the new skill-based or reality-based reality, that you are actually showing up to nurture and shift in your world. But if those words that you're saying don't have roots in your reality, your nervous system knows, your unconscious knows, and that's why it registers as gaslighting. Whether or not you're consciously aware of it, the point is it's not gonna work. It's not gonna land. Those words aren't going to magically change you, and your body knows. Your body knows when you say them and use them and try to use them for that purpose, that you're lying to yourself and you know it too on some level. Again, whether you're conscious of it or not. It's not that it is not a good idea to do mindset work, the energetics behind what is possible and available for you is a huge part of what makes you successful at anything in life, but for sure at your money. And that place where abundance, the energetics of abundance become the manifest material reality of money and wealth. But that said, it should be helping you to rewire around what is true. A lot of times, our belief system, the beliefs that we hold unconsciously and deeply in our bones are based on a past reality. If we end up actually changing things and changing our story and changing how we show up, oftentimes it does require deliberate, intentional mindset work to rewire our beliefs to match our new reality. But that's the point, it should be to match what is now true or becoming true for you, not to bypass over the reality of your actual relationship with money and try to trick or convince yourself otherwise to somehow tap into a magical manifestation flow whereby you receive money without actually nurturing any kind of relationship with it. What I see often and when people come to me ready to do that real practical, grounded work, is that if they're honest with themselves, the time that they've spent focusing exclusively on the mindset side of things was really a way for them to avoid or resist the work that they knew needed to be done. A way for them to avoid looking at their fear, their patterns, their trauma, their debt. If we're talking about the more materially manifest version of these things. Even though they did it with the best of intentions to try to put awareness to those things, to heal them, ultimately, if you're not doing the work to actually change how you are with money, you were just bypassing, not healing all of those things that you were presencing. What I see is that, again, people come to me, they're ready to actually do the work. When they're honest with their selves, they're like, dude, I was like torturing myself. When you are continually showing up, putting your conscious awareness on your issues with money, but you're only doing it around the mindset work, the mantras and the affirmations, you're not actually doing anything about it. You're just forcing yourself to stare at the problem and the issue while gaslighting yourself and nothing sticking or changing. That sucks. That kind of bypassing, disguised as manifesting or doing mindset work or healing actually becomes a shield or the way that you avoid or resist. Looking at and dealing with and facing what is actually being asked of you, and how you are actually being called to show up and shift your relationship with money by getting more grounded with the 3D things that you need to actually do to show up and tend it regularly to be in compliance if you're a business owner and to do another slew of things that wants to be part of a regular money date or money practice, so that then when you tell yourself things like, I trust myself with money. You can actually believe yourself. You do actually trust yourself with money. It's true. And you're reminding your unconscious mind and your belief system that that's the new reality. This is where I want to bring in our understanding in any other kind of relationship to how we're looking through this lens today, to understand our relationship with money. Because obviously when I talk about gaslighting, the first thing you think of is not how you gaslight yourself. And it has nothing to do with money. You probably think of toxic patterning in relationships with humans in intimate relating. This is one way that I love to frame our relationship with money also, because often people that come in from the mindset work healing space around money ready to do the grounded, practical work. Have been framing it as trauma or a problem to fix, and I love to offer the very effective reframe that just like in any other relationship, your relationship is not a problem to fix. It's something that you've chosen, that you have a certain relationship with right now, and you need to lean in or get in right relationship with it somehow. If it was your partner and things were taking a turn for the worst. You might go to therapy, you might start doing a date night, you might start dropping in and creating container for conversation and curiosity. You wouldn't say oh, my relationship is problematic or broken. I need to fix it. I hope not. You would decide okay, I care about this. I need to start showing up differently in alignment with the value that I do place on this relationship. It's important to me, and I'm gonna show up and do my part to make it what I want it to be and give it what it needs so that I can get what I need from it to start to create more of a generative relationship so that it doesn't feel like it's draining or sucking me or the other person. On the other side of self gaslighting, we're talking about self-trust. If you've been experiencing toxic patterns in a relationship, what you want instead is to foster and cultivate trust. And you wouldn't trust a partner who says, you can count on me, but you know that you actually can't because in practice, that person is never there for you when you need them. Similarly, it's not going to work for you to tell yourself, I trust myself with money. If you know that you can't, because you know that you're not going to show up in the ways that are needed, you might not yet even know how to do that and haven't been willing to learn, and you just don't follow through with that statement. So essentially it means nothing to tell yourself that you trust yourself with money when you know that your bills are unpaid, your bank account balance is unknown, and you generally avoid or lean out or show up only in a state of urgency. Maybe once a year during tax time, when it's needed, but you don't show up regularly. Similarly, in any relationship, if you're only showing up at certain times, and it's very transactional rather than showing up regularly to nurture it because it's important to you. Those are two very different kinds of relationships, and just like in any relationship, trust is nurtured through consistency. It's not a switch that you flip. It is not a problem that you fix. The problem doesn't become trust because you decide for it to be so, it's something that you lean into and you nurture consistently until that trust is built. My favorite little ism that expresses this is that practice makes proof. I like this so much better than practice makes perfect because that's missing the point. But in the case of this conversation, practice does make proof and shows our unconscious and our nervous system that we do actually have ourselves and can trust ourselves with money so that when we say that to ourselves, we believe it and it roots. And that mindset work really makes a difference and supports the cause. I keep talking about the grounded, practical side of things that is just as important and needs to be paired with the mindset work for it to actually be effective. Not only for that, but for it not to be destructive for you. It's not a good way with yourself to be gaslighting yourself, obviously. We're talking about behavior essentially in its most basic form. Obviously with money, I'm talking about grounded, practical systems, processes, practices, but we're talking about behavior. That it can't just be in the mental emotional realm, trying to convince yourself of something that's not true. You also actually need to change your behavior. Just like in a relationship, if somebody kept telling you, oh, I'm never gonna do that again. But their behavior isn't actually changing. You're not going to believe it anymore when they tell you that. Similarly with your money, mindset, mantras and affirmations, if you aren't also changing your behavior around money, none of those are going to land or be able to take root or basically be believed by your nervous system and your unconscious belief system. I always love to bring it back, especially with money, to the metaphor of a river and a bank. That combination, that yin yang, beautiful synthesis of spirit and structure. With whatever we're talking about. In this case, the money metaphor is obviously present, but it also works when we're talking about belief. Because belief is like a current, it's able to evolve and change, but in order for it to really take root and establish itself throughout your system, it also needs the structure of action and behavior to bring relevance and context to it so that it can actually land and take root within you. Another example of this, if you are telling yourself over and over and trying to root the belief that you are open to receive abundance. But you have no offers for sale. You have no sales pages active, no checkout links, and you don't have anything being shared or posted or available publicly for people to see it if you do. If you don't have a product or service available, if you don't have a plan or something set up for money to be able to come to you, but you are telling yourself, I am open to receive abundance. Now, I'm not saying that miracles don't happen and that money doesn't come to you in ways that you don't expect because it absolutely does. But the point is, if you don't actually have structures in place, if there aren't real world physical, tangible 3D ways that you're aware of for money to come to you, if you haven't put the effort forth or done the work to build and share ways that somebody could actually pay you, if you are not making value available for people to pay you, then telling yourself that you're open to receive abundance, there's a missing piece there. There's a mismatch. A part of you is not going to actually believe that. Even though it might feel nice and sound nice and feel good to say, a part of you doesn't believe it. So it's not actually going to change your belief so that in some magical way money comes to you. Or maybe it will, but not reliably. You need something for money to flow through, something intentional that you've created for people to pay you, because that dichotomy is real. Energy, love, structure, and spirit loves form. When we're talking about money, we are absolutely talking about that bridge between energetic abundance and material form. Basically, I'm saying that you need to meet your magic halfway. One of the ways that we do this inside Cosmic Currency is that once you're aware, crystal clear aware of, not only what kind of reality you want to call in, you have that rootedness in your desires and your vision of the reality and the lifestyle that you want to make possible at a certain earning level. But you also are super clear exactly how much you need to bring in to meet your current needs so that you are secure and settled in your current reality, and then knowing exactly what that number is of that next level reality. That next level revenue stream that you want to call in to make that envisioned reality timeline come to you. The next step is to visualize, show yourself, do some math, I have a spreadsheet tool that we use so you don't have to do the math, but show yourself what are a bunch of different ways that that money can come in. And again, it's not because you are stripping all of the magic out of the equation. You are opening your mind to multiple possibilities, multiple avenues or streams or ways that that money can come to you because you are showing that part of your mind and belief system, that part that might not even believe that it's possible to make the amount of money that you need or want at your next level, you are showing it, not only is it possible, look at all of these different ways that it could happen. That's the piece that your mind needs for the mantras, the affirmations, the mindset work to actually work. And of course, we still leave room for magic because you don't know exactly how people are going to buy or what miraculous pathways might open for money to come in. But that magical manifestation mindset work becomes that much more potent, reliable, and powerful when your mind is in the expansive open space of oh yeah, there's so many different ways I am open to receive. So this really comes down to that, you have your role and spirit, or the universe or however you wanna frame, I like to think of it as the bank of the universe, where these funds actually come from beyond the material plane, where that energetic flow is sourced. That then becomes the money that comes to you when you ask for it. Money manifestation is a co-creative process and you have your role to play and universe has its role to play. It very well might not be up to you. I certainly am not suggesting that you micromanage exactly how the money's going to come in and grip so tightly with your control that you don't leave room for miracles and other possibilities, this or something greater, that you didn't even think of. But what I'm saying is you do have a role to play in showing yourself 3D practically, tangibly, what are these different ways that it can happen? Because then practice is proof. Iterations are proof. If it could happen 15 different ways, it is going to happen. When you believe in possibility, which happens not just through empty mindset work and take aligned action, things move, things happen, things fall into place. So I hope I'm not being mistaken here. This is not anti mindset. I'm not suggesting that all mindset work is gaslighting because it's not. But if there is an absence of behavior, of aligned action, of grounded, practical shifts in how you're showing up to shift your reality, then it is going to land as empty and hollow. What we're actually talking about here is pro alignment. Because when your beliefs are backed by behavior, you are aligned in both worlds, both spheres, full spectrum. Your affirmations and your mantras are able to land, take hold, take root to shift your belief system because you actually believe them when you say them, and your body hears them. Trust is a kind of confidence in other people or in ourselves. The more that we show up consistently in ways that we build our confidence around something, in this case, around money, and we show up for that practice over and over. We're not just showing ourself that we have the knowledge or the capacity for something, we're showing ourself that we can actually count on ourselves, that we will actually show up when needed as needed so that we can have a relationship with money that we can trust and rely on. Building those structures around our relationship with money, around spreadsheet tools or software apps or regular ritual practices, money dates, currency check-ins. Whatever that structure looks like for you, it is absolutely needed to support the flow that you're calling in. The abundance that you are asking to receive and transform into the form of wealth, money, revenue, sales, to translate into profits and into investing and into growing your wealth. And hopefully into splurging and treating yourself along the way. Isn't that a part of it too when it comes to growing your trust? It's not just, this isolated in a vacuum space of how are you with your money? It's how does your life, how does that ripple out into the life that you actually enjoy and experience? You trust yourself with money when you know that the funds to pay your bills are going to be there when you need them, and then you actually have that experience over and over of easily being able to pay your bills. You have trust in yourself when you get a whim to go on a vacation, when you get the idea to do something or spend on something cool and you know that the money is gonna be there and available for you. Because you set your life up such that the amount that you need to pay your bills, the responsibilities that you already have, but to have the margins and the cushions to be able to do what you want and ultimately to be able to aim to that next level over and over and over again. That you are to show up with a chill, nervous system. Another one, come tax time, if every year you show yourself that you have the experience that because you have not been tracking and tending your money flow throughout the year, so that tax time is looming around every year's corner of having to scramble and stress to do a whole year's worth of catch up, just to get it in and then find out what you owe and not have the amount to pay, woo, that is a stressful scenario that I knew all too well supporting tax clients for over a decade. If that is your body's experience year after year, it is not going to believe you when you tell it, I've got us with money. However, if you have a structure and systems and practices and a committed relationship with money where you show up to nurture and tend it, in real time year round so that when tax season comes, you actually just feel super confident and ready. You have the money set aside and all of your books ready and you show yourself. You build that iteration of experience to build trust with yourself. A few years in a row of that. That is what changes your relationship with money, and that's what makes it so that when you tell yourself the affirmations or the mantras, your belief system, your mind is ready to rewire around the truth of that new reality that you are creating for yourself through the behaviors associated with how you show up for it. And with that, I leave you with some final reflections, after having gone on this journey of this episode together, to root into where you're actually at with your money and a fun thing to do at the end to get even more clear. Question one, where have you been bypassing with your mindset tools? I want you to identify what are the mindset tools that you have leaned into now or in the past? And how effective were they to actually stick and take root and change what your actual lived experience with money is relative to, at any given time, how effective was it based on your actual practices, your rubber meets the road relationship with your money, with your bank account, with your records, with your sales process? Take stock, do a little audit thinking back in reflection of various times that you've been engaged in mindset practices around money and times that you've been more or less involved with the money management behaviors that you may have had in practice at various times. Number two, what would it look like to tend your relationship, like it was a relationship that mattered. For this one, it might be really helpful to reflect on the bridge between relationships that you've had in your life that have felt very supportive and ones that have not, and to think about how you actually showed up in that relationship. It might not be that it was neglectful. It might be that you leaned in a little too hard. That you were more anxiously attached in the equation, in that relationship. But start to do a little bit of an audit of what your experience in relationships has been, because there can be a lot of clues there for you and envision, what would the most optimal, healthiest relationship with money look like? How would you show up for that? And thirdly, what could you put into practice this week to prove to yourself that you are actually worthy of the relationship that you want to have with money? Show yourself that it is absolutely possible and available and that you are absolutely a viable part of the equation to make it real. And lastly, if you haven't already, I have a super quick, free fun quiz to determine what your cosmic money style is. AKA in attachment theory. Are you more of an anxious attacher with money, an avoidant attacher, a disorganized, or do you have a secure attachment with money? And if you are any of the first three, if that's the result that you get, I also have some great resources to send your way to get closer to secure attachment and that relationship that you envisioned during those reflection questions.